As the day go's on

Monday afternoon I made my preparations, already dreading the evening coming. I have been to the shops and brought Milk Thistle and B1, apparently that helps (if it does or not I have no idea).

The house is empty of wine except for one bottle and a small amount of spirit. To have nothing in panics me more, I have always been one that keeps a good stock and have done this for many years, living by the rule that it is “better to have and not need, than need and not have”. So to empty the house completely worries me more, knowing that it is there if I want it, brings some comfort, whether I am strong enough to resist when the time comes I still have to see.

This time I think it can be different, this time I think I can do better than before.

Saying that, I am already dreading this evening’s meal, it seems incomplete somehow, eating with no wine and knowing that there will be none to follow.

When so many aspects of your life have been intertwined with wine and been thoroughly enjoyed, it seems incomprehensible to continue those things without.

A train journey of more than an hour I would happily carry on a bottle of wine, a trip to the cinema or dog racing track or even the local bingo club would always involve decanting wine into more convenient bottles to take in with me. Partly because (this is no defence I know) the wine offered at those places is expensive and not to my taste. It stated off small with one bottle being taken in and grew from there as my drinking grew.

 So now to go to any of these places, without drinking seems scary already, I used to smoke and when I managed to quit that, I did it by complete disassociation (if that is the right phrase) I used to have my first smoke with a coffee in the morning, so I stopped drinking coffee and switched to tea and so on with different things through the day. This was an attempt to try and do something different that I did not associate with smoking and therefore the urge for one was less. However to repeat that same practice with wine is more difficult as every aspect of my life contains wine, even a trip to the supermarket would be preceded with a stop at the pub first for a glass or two, so now to try and continue those activities without the wine is a tall prospect and a worrying one.