Monday was ok, being at work helps, the constant focus on something else helps.
The night wasn’t that bad, I was agitated for sure. Sitting and watching television was not helping, I felt like I wanted to pace, to walk to move and to think about something completely different.
My body felt exhausted but my head not tired – I know this is how the first night feels, I have been here many times before; sadly that also means I know what is to come.
I know what the next few days hold, not that I have been down that path for a long time, but I remember everything from last time and those thoughts themselves worry me.
I am not a strong person, I have always easily caved in before, am I strong enough, can I make it past the difficult days and see what comes after that, can I change my lifestyle in a way that is long lasting and stops me returning to this same level of behaviour again.
I want to change, I do, but can I
I don’t know, only time will tell
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